H.ouston A.rea L.ightning O.wners

[noelvm]

Jesus describes the Holy Spirit as our "helper" in John 14:16. In this passage, the Greek word translated "helper" is procolasit. It means "called alongside."

As our helper or companion, the Holy Spirit will walk alongside us as the most faithful friend we could have. And I believe that a great wife will exhibit many of the characteristics of the Holy Spirit in a marriage relationship.

A wife can say things to her husband that no one else can say.


Once of these shared roles is as convictor. In John 16, Jesus says that when the Holy Spirit comes, he will convict the world "of sin and of righteousness and of judgment."

Convicting is not condemnation. Conviction is kindly telling a person, "Hey, you are wrong." And let's face it: women are pretty good at that. You might laugh, but I'm serious. A wife can say things to her husband—necessary things, things that he needs to change—that no one else can say.

They are good at it, and as husbands we need to listen when they convict us about something.

A second role of the Holy Spirit that a wife may also demonstrate is that of connector. He connects people relationally. The Holy Spirit is always connecting us with God. He reminds us of Jesus.

Women are natural connectors because they connect men to their children. This is one of the natural things women do. They remind us to spend more time with the kids, or make sure we know when we've hurt our kids' feelings or when we need to have a talk with one of our children.

Our wives are intuitive about those things, while husbands often are not. We need their input to keep us tuned in.

Women will also connect us to our own feelings. It's their way of partnering with the Holy Spirit to heal us. They know how messed up a lot of us are emotionally—don't try to deny it, guys—and God uses them to get inside us and fix us.

Early in our marriage, Karen would always ask me how I felt about certain things. I would always respond the same way. "I do not feel," I would tell her, "and I don't want you to talk to me about my feelings." Talking about feelings made me really nervous.

But she knew. She knew that I'd been hurt about certain things that I wouldn't talk about. I'd always deny it when she brought it up, but every time the Holy Spirit would eventually confirm it. Karen was right. She was always right, and God used her to heal a lot of the emotional scars I was carrying around—scars that had taken their toll on me and our marriage.

Women have incredible intuition and relational wisdom. Just as I've learned to listen to the Holy Spirit's promptings in my relationship with God, I have learned to listen to Karen's voice in our marriage.

As convictor and connector, she continues to impact our relationship and make me a better person.

Every great wife can play that role in your marriage, too, if you'll listen.

Blessings!
Jimmy Evans

[noelvm]

n the parable of the sower, Jesus says some people do not bear fruit because, when they hear the Word of God, it never takes root because it is choked out by the cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the desire for other things (Mark 4:1-20).

Marriages bear fruit, too. Some men and women love God, but their marriages are unfruitful for the same reasons Jesus gave.

One things that chokes out marital fruit is the second killer Jesus mentioned: money. "The deceitfulness of riches" is a marriage-killer.

Prosperity comes not from a bank account but from God's blessing, and there is no sorrow attached to it.


A lot of people believe money can solve their problems. So they make sacrifices to get it. Couples end up running in opposite directions and never spending time together. Their relationship suffers as a result.

But they believe these sacrifices are justified, because they can earn more money. We are doing this for our children, they tell themselves. But in reality, they are wasting today buying time for the future.

Proverbs 10:22 says "The blessing of the Lord makes one rich and he adds no sorry to it."

Prosperity comes not from a bank account but from God's blessing, and there is no sorrow attached to it. It will not cost you your marriage, your reputation, your children, or your health. It is the blessing of the Lord.

When we had our kids, Karen and I made the decision that she would be a stay-at-home mom. Our total income that year was $7,000, but we made the decision to give to the church. Both of those decisions were big sacrifices for us, but I believe that was when God really began to bless us. Today I thank God that we made those two decisions.

The deceitfulness of riches tells you money can solve all your problems. But money can't buy back a child who hates you because you were never there. Nothing you give your children materially will make up for their loss of you. I can tell you that with absolute certainty.

Money can't cure the diseases that have been created because of the way you abused your body. It's ironic how we ruin our health trying to earn money . . . so we can have enough money to buy our health back.

And money can't save your marriage when your marriage is going downhill. It doesn't matter how big your house is or how nice your cars are.

Money is a blessing, but the blessing of God comes not from our frantic attempts to earn money, but from our commitment to doing the right thing. In Matthew 6:33, Jesus said "Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

The deceitfulness of riches distracts people away from God. They believe they will get enough money at some point in the future, and then they will start serving God. Then they will spend time with their spouse.

But that time will never come. Even if they become wealthy by the world's standards, it's never enough. That's the deceitfulness of wealth. Their lives never bear fruit because they are always believing that lie.

Do you want to be blessed beyond measure? Don't seek riches. Seek God.

Blessings!
Jimmy Evans

[noelvm]

When it comes to sexual fulfillment in a marriage, one of the first things husbands and wives need to understand is that they are different. If you don’t expect these differences and learn to deal with them they can drive you crazy.

Our differences are related to the ways men and women connect emotions and sex. For men, sex stimulates our emotions. In other words, we are put in touch with our emotions through sex.

If a wife wants her husband to get more in touch with her emotions (and his, too), then meeting his need for sex is a good way to spur him in that direction. Men and women become more emotionally connected through sex.

Why did God make us so different? One reason is so that each of us will have to look outside ourselves for fulfillment.


Women, of course, take an opposite approach. For them, emotions stimulate sex. When a woman is not feeling sexual, her husband can make her feel more sexual by stimulating her emotions instead of stimulating her erotically.

God created women to become more sexual when their emotional needs are being met. That’s why a man who does housework can be sexually stimulating to his wife. (Really!)

But guys? God created us to be aroused visually. Housework doesn’t do it for us unless our wives are doing the housework naked.

There are other differences, too. Men can turn on to sex almost immediately, while women warm up slowly to the idea of sex. It’s been said before that, sexually speaking, men are microwaves and women are crock pots.

A husband will see sex as just one more compartmentalized element of his life, separate from everything else. He can enjoy sex anytime, regardless of circumstances. But a woman’s sexuality is connected to everything else in her life. If she’s having a bad day, sex is the last thing on her mind.

Why did God make us so different? One reason is so that each of us will have to look outside ourselves for fulfillment. It gives us an opportunity to get outside our comfort zones and to serve each other.

Our differences also enable us to fulfill different roles in life. Hundreds of years ago, men had to be emotionally detached enough to leave the family, go out and hunt for food. Their sexual desire was something that brought them back home.

The wife, meanwhile, was wired to hold the family together emotionally until her husband returned. She nurtured the family and helped reconnect the father to the emotional needs of the family when he got back home.

God made men and women different, but He did it for a reason. Understanding these differences and learning how they can complement each other is the key to sexual fulfillment in marriage.

Blessings!
Jimmy Evans

[noelvm]

We men don't realize often enough that women are complicated when it comes to sexual expression. We can't just walk up to our wives and say, "Let's have sex!" As suave and debonair as we might think ourselves to be, that's not going to cut it.

For women, the desire for sex isn't something that just turns on like a microwave. She has to warm to it, and one way that happens is through affection. Especially non-sexual affection. This seems counter-intuitive, so let me explain.

Men have sex because, well, it feels good and it meets a very physical need. For guys, sex is an event.



Women also enjoy the physical aspects of sex, but that's not the only thing they get out of it. It's also a way to connect emotionally with their husbands. That emotion is tied very closely to affection.

Men can be clueless about affection, so let me give some examples. It means putting your arm around your wife. It means holding her hand. It means giving her a hug — holding her — without letting your hands start roaming around or hoping it leads to something else.

This kind of no-strings-attached affection helps meet her need for emotional security. It helps her feel connected to you. It gives her the sense that you care for her. This feeling is very important to her.

As silly as it seems, I really struggled with affection when Karen and I started dating. I grew up as the youngest of three brothers, in a family without a lot of physical affection. So when we began our relationship I didn't know how to be affectionate without being sexual — or without being rough.

I would pinch her hand when I held it. I would put my arm around Karen and, to her, it felt like she was in a headlock. I thought this was great. She thought otherwise. To be honest, I just didn't get it. The simple act of a calm, reassuring hug made me ridiculously nervous.

Eventually our marriage changed. It required a lot of prayer on my part. John 16:13 says the Holy Spirit will "guide you into all truth," and I had to rely on that when it came to being affectionate with Karen. It was uncomfortable for me at first, but gradually, with God's help, I learned how to do it. Today I am a much more affectionate husband, and our marriage is so much better for it.

What I learned is this: Women really need the comfort and security of non-sexual touching, but the more soft and non-sexual men are, the more sexual women become. The wonderful thing about this is both the husband and wife are given the opportunity to meet each other's needs.

Guys, your wife's need for affection is just as important — and just as intense — as your need for sex. It helps her feel secure and emotionally connected to you. And wives? Think about how much you long for the comfort of a meaningful, non-sexual hug. That's how much your husband wants sex. In fact, it's very likely he wants sex a whole lot more.

But you knew that already, right?

Blessings!
Jimmy Evans

[noelvm]

Our culture is one that is filled with stress. It tells us that we must always strive to succeed, that an upward career trajectory is worth whatever negative impact it might have on a marriage or a family.

That is a lie. Stress carries with it a number of serious problems. Some of them are physical. Many of them are emotional. Depression is an epidemic in America today because we are so emotionally exhausted.

And there can be no doubt that stress leads to marriage problems. A successful marriage takes energy and requires that it be given priority in your life. But when you are constantly focused on other things—when your attention is given to the things that produce stress—then you become too exhausted to do what it takes for a healthy marriage.

There’s an old saying that goes like this: If the devil can’t stop you by getting in front of you, he will get behind you and push you too fast. He will wear you out, constantly bringing things into your lives to keep you from focusing on each other.

Did you know the number-one sexual problem of women is inhibited sexual desire, and the number-one cause of inhibited desire is exhaustion? If the sexual intimacy of your relationship is diminishing, it might be that your inability to rest is to blame.

Communication problems, emotional problems, financial problems, problems with children and their behavior—all these things can be tied to stress.

A healthy marriage requires the ability not just to handle stress, but to take steps to get rid of it whenever possible. When my kids were growing up, I pastored a large church and headed up our large ministry at MarriageToday, and slowing down was hard for me.

I was fearful of failing, which meant I was afraid to say no. I said yes to too many things because I was afraid of what would happen if I said no. I took on too much responsibility. It affected our marriage and it affected our kids.

With Karen’s help, I had to learn to slow down. I had to learn to delegate. I had to let go of some things so I could turn my heart back to my wife and my kids. I had to learn to have faith in God, because it takes faith to stop.

Don’t let the devil get behind you and push you too fast. Don’t let him stand in your future and lure you forward with the temptation of money or success. Don’t compromise your family today for the so-called success of the future.

A successful future means learning how to properly use our time today. It comes not from our own work, but from God's blessing. It’s up to Him—not to us.

Blessings!
Jimmy Evans

[noelvm]

In Ephesians 5, Paul writes about God’s plan for husbands and wives when it comes to their roles in marriage. To wives, Paul writes, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord” (Eph. 5:22). To husbands, Paul writes, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25).

God has designed the perfect marriage to include a sacrificial husband and a submissive wife. Sometimes we joke about these things, but this really is God’s plan for marriage. And I want you to know it’s a perfect plan.

When you do marriage God’s way, everyone reaches his or her own potential.


Why? One reason is because conforming to these roles helps release the potential in our spouse. Neither person is taken advantage of, and both sides win. God has designed marriage to be the perfect win-win situation.

When you do marriage God's way, everyone reaches his or her own potential. The Bible says in Ephesians 5:29 that men are to nourish and cherish our wives as we would our own bodies. Men know how to take care of ourselves. What if a husband began meeting his wife’s needs with the same attention and care he gives to meeting his own needs? This is what would happen: she would flourish.

A good husband is like a greenhouse. He creates an environment for his wife to be fed and protected, so regardless of what is happening in the outside world, she is secure at home. She is praised and encouraged there. She is loved. Her needs are being met there. She blooms.

A good wife is like her husband’s cheerleader. In submitting to him, she provides him the honor and respect that he needs. Our culture views a submissive woman as having turned into a doormat—someone who gets stepped on. But I think of it more along the lines of honor. A submissive wife honors her husband through praise.

Psalm 100:4 says we enter God’s gates with thanksgiving and praise. God doesn’t let negative people into his presence. God is attracted to praise, and that’s something a wife can provide her husband.

Is it blind praise, though? Not necessarily. Cheerleaders know how to convict failing athletes in a positive way. How many times, when a football team is getting clobbered, do you hear the cheerleaders yelling, perkily, about defense? DEFENSE! DEFENSE! HOLD THAT LINE!

They are saying something negative—you’d better shape up, guys—but in a positive way. And the guys will do anything for them. They love the attention, even if it’s telling them to improve something. The praise of a woman puts oxygen in the room for men.

Women, when your husband does things you don’t like, find a way to let him know…but in a positive way. Be his cheerleader.

Men, be her greenhouse. Protect her and nourish her. When husbands and wives learn to enact these roles, the result is a godly marriage. Both become what God wants them to be, and no one is the victim.

Blessings!
Jimmy Evans

[noelvm]

Failed marriages are like cars that have rusted out and been banished to the junkyard. At one point they were shiny and new, but eventually the owner stopped maintaining it. All it took was one little spot of rust.

How can we keep our marriages from rusting out? One of the best methods for treating marital “rust” is to practice the art of romance.

There are many ways to restore romance into your marriage, but one way is by speaking love in your spouse's language. Men and women are very, very different. Romance looks different for both of us.

Men need romance, but for a man, romance looks a lot like, well, nudity. Romance means being naked. It's always sex, fun, and honor. Sex and honor and fun. Watching a football game in your underwear? That's romantic.

For women, though, that is absolutely not the case. Romance means long, slow touching…talking…anticipating. She does not want to get there quickly. Sex, for her, is a destination you both reach at the end of a long road.

The most romantic marriages occur when each spouse has learned to speak the other's language. Romance is when he learns to speak woman, when he willingly shares with her, opens up to her, and talks about his feelings. It's when he takes care of the kids or makes plans for dinner.

Romance is when she speaks man. She does this when she disregards whether or not she feels sexual (most of the time she probably doesn't) and gives him the gift of sex anyway. She treats him with honor. She offers him sex and fun.

When both of these songs are playing, marriage can be a beautiful and intoxicating harmony.

That's the ideal. But what happens most of the time is a battle. He does not want to have a candlelight dinner and talk about his feelings. He just wants to watch NASCAR. She does not want to chase each other around the house in their underwear. She wants to watch a romantic movie that makes them both cry.

Both are thinking of their own needs. Both are thinking in their own language. To succeed in marriage, you need to be thinking in the opposite language. Great marriages are emotionally bilingual.

At this point in our marriage, I know Karen's language. She speaks woman, not man. When we were having problems in our marriage, it was because I was trying to give her a language lesson. And she would be trying to give me language lessons.

But romance is a language demonstration, not a language lesson. But getting married and trying to force your language upon your spouse is like moving to another country and wanting everyone there to start speaking English. You can't do that. You have to pay attention and learn the language of your environment.

In the world of the opposite sex, you have to learn to speak their language. Stop worrying about your own needs and desires, and pay attention to theirs. That's the core of romance, and nothing rust-proofs a marriage like romance.

Blessings!
Jimmy Evans

[noelvm]

What are strong marriages built on? There are few better foundations for a marriage more than a sacrificial spirit — a spirit that enables a husband or wife to look at their spouse and say, “You are more important than me.” Want to protect your marriage against divorce? Put your spouse’s needs ahead of your own.

Every great relationship is a sacrificial relationship. Sacrifice is an ancient concept, going all the way back to the ancient Israelites and their relationship with God. He made a covenant with them — sacrifice for remission of sins — and then Jesus gave us a new covenant through his blood. He became the ultimate sacrifice.

A good marriage, like a faithful follower of Christ, is never self-centered.


Paul describes that covenant in Philippians 2, which starts off with two verses that married couples should have underlined and highlighted in their Bibles, and written on Post-It note reminders all over the house.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Phil. 2:3-4)

I can’t come up with any better tip for married couples. If you want a strong marriage, live your life according to Philippians 2:3-4. Love your husband or wife like Christ loves us.

Couples who live together before marriage often struggle because they never learn to sacrifice for each other. Co-habitation is totally self-centered. It's a tryout, a chance to get the benefits of a relationship without putting down tent stakes. Maybe she wants to know how good he is at taking care of her. Maybe he wants to know how good she is in bed. The whole relationship is performance-oriented — if you please me enough, I’ll marry you.

But a covenant marriage is built on the sacrificial example of Jesus Christ, who “made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant,” as Paul wrote in Philippians 2:7. A sacrificial marriage says “This is not about me and getting my needs met. This is about me giving my life for you."

That’s the difference between a co-habiting marriage and a covenant marriage. That’s the difference between a marriage headed toward trouble and a strong, successful marriage. A good marriage — like a faithful follower of Christ — is never self-centered.

Blessings
Jimmy Evans

[noelvm]

John Gottman is an emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Washington, and he has done some fascinating research into the factors that lead to divorce. Through four main predictors of divorce, he can predict whether or not a couple will divorce with ninety-three percent accuracy. (Talk about an intimidating person to invite over for dinner!)

According to Dr. Gottman, the number-one predictor of divorce is a critical tone, directed from one spouse to another. It’s not the occasional complaint or conflict, but a nonstop tone of negativity.

A happy, healthy marriage is characterized by positive words.


What does that look like? It might include these things: sarcasm, nit-picking, nagging, hateful language, cutting each other down, saying hurtful things, and the constant retrieval of painful issues from the past.

What we say has powerful implications on our relationships. The biblical writers had some strong things to say about the tongue. Proverbs 18:21 says "The tongue has the power of life and death." James 3:6 says "The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person… and is itself set on fire by hell."

What we say has a mighty effect on those around us. All of us place great stock in words. Men want to be admired and appreciated, and words help communicate those things. Women have a need for open, honest, and loving communication. Those things are nourished by the words of their husbands.

A happy, healthy marriage is characterized by positive words. They give life. Likewise, negativity and criticism are almost always evident in a bad marriage. They bring death. Like James wrote, they are "a world of evil."

Does that mean we should never complain about anything? Not necessarily. A gentle, helpful complaint can be an excellent corrective. It tells your spouse that you care, and it can strengthen your relationship. But such complaints need to be infrequent and delivered with care.

For instance, "Honey, I’m committed to our marriage, but I just need to say this: It really bothers me when you…" That’s easier to hear, isn’t it? Such a statement can lead to positive change. But a constant barrage of complaints, day in and day out, rarely helps. Most often, it hurts. It hurts individually, and it hurts the marriage.

Approach your husband or wife today with positive words. Plant good seeds, and you’ll see good fruit result.

Blessings,

Jimmy Evans

[noelvm]

Nothing destroys a marriage like adultery, but rarely does adultery just come out of nowhere. There's usually some kind of groundwork that has been laid in advance. This happens when we take the intimate parts of marriage—feelings about our spouses, private details about our marriage, even small complaints or problems—and share them with someone who is not our spouse.

When we talk about things like that with a member of the opposite sex, we are opening a window with them into inappropriate territory, and we are building a wall between ourselves and our spouse. That wall, regardless of its height, is damaging to a marriage.


How can we tear down that wall once we have built it? One way is through the power of responsibility and forgiveness—whether you’re talking about adultery or any other offense. The spouse who has done wrong must take responsibility for his or her behavior, apologize, and ask for forgiveness. Then the spouse who has been hurt must be willing to forgive.

When I talk to married couples who are dealing with a spouse who has made a big mistake, this is what I always tell the husband or wife who has been hurt: It is not about what your spouse did. It is about your response to what they did.

If your marriage is going to work in the future, then you simply cannot dwell on the mistakes either of you have made in the past.

In the same way, you can’t make a mistake and then start making a bunch of excuses for it: I was under a lot of stress. You were not paying attention to me. You weren't meeting my needs.

Excuses do not help your marriage at all. The best approach is to admit your failure. Say something like: I was wrong. I cannot believe I did that to you and there is no excuse for it. I violated your trust. I don’t deserve it, but I will do anything to earn it back. Then, prove to your spouse that you really mean it.

For your marriage to be intimate, both spouses have a responsibility. One spouse must own up to his or her failure without excuse, because if we have done something wrong we need to say we are sorry. It is absolutely necessary.

But the other spouse must be willing to receive that apology with grace and mercy. In Jeremiah 31:34, the Lord says "For I forgive their wickedness and remember their sins no more."

We have a forgiving God. We need to be a forgiving people. Marriage only works when you are forgiven, and so we need to forgive each other.

Blessings,

Jimmy Evans

[noelvm]

The deepest intimacy that is possible in marriage is spiritual in nature. It establishes the foundation for intimacy on every other level—mental, emotional, and sexual.

When Karen and I got married, we had no spiritual intimacy. We didn't pray together and I was mortified at the thought. Karen regularly asked me to pray with her and to take the spiritual lead in our marriage and family. I resented and resisted her because of it. It embarrassed me to pray or to be open in spiritual things.

God designed mankind in the Garden of Eden as spiritual beings created in His image.


By the way, at the same time that was going on, there was also a lot of tension and frustration in our sex life. Even though Karen wasn't willfully resisting me sexually, we just did not have a mutually fulfilling relationship in that area. Karen was good to meet my needs, but something was definitely missing.

Spiritual intimacy was the something we were missing. Our spirits are the deepest parts of us—and they are the real us. God designed mankind in the Garden of Eden as spiritual beings created in His image. His original declaration over the first married couple in Genesis 2:24 was, "…the two shall become one…"

Jesus said in Matthew 19:6, ""Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." To really understand how marriage works, we must realize that there is an invisible element that joins us together, heart-to-heart. That element is the Spirit of God.

After years of frustration and tension in our marriage, I finally agreed to begin praying with Karen and to take the lead spiritually. It transformed our marriage. It also took our mental, emotional, and sexual intimacy to a new level. Worshiping and praying together as a couple bonds our hearts together in the closest intimacy possible. It also creates the foundation for intimacy and fulfillment in every other area.

Blessings,

Jimmy Evans

[noelvm]

Half of all families are blended families. They are also called step families. Where most marriages begin with a couple and then children come along later—the opposite is true with blended families. The children precede the marriage and are often antagonistic toward it.

One of the first and most important secrets of success as a blended family is to protect and prioritize the marriage first. It is the nucleus that everything else builds around. This is a special challenge in a step family situation because in many cases the children try to pit their biological parents against their step-parents.

Be a united front and be fair. Your blended family will reap the benefits.


To keep your marriage strong you must act as a united front in decisions related to the children. Both the parent and step-parent must not allow the children to play on their emotions or manipulate them. All decisions need to be made with both spouses acting as a team.

This means the biological parent gives ownership of his or her children to their spouse. It also means the non-biological parent must take ownership and responsibility. Even though it is wisdom for discipline to be enforced by the biological parent in most cases—the non-biological parent must be a full partner in setting up the disciplinary guidelines and in the possession of parental authority in the home.

Another critical issue related to step-parenting is equity. Even though all children are sensitive to being treated with equality, there is a hyper-sensitivity in step families. This is especially true where both spouses have children from previous marriages or there are children they have together, but others that came into the marriage from one spouse but not the other.

All children must be treated equally. The best way for this to happen is for both spouses to be involved in the decision making. This doesn't mean that every little thing that happens has to be discussed. It does mean that the parameters and guidelines must be agreed upon and either spouse won’t act alone without the knowledge and blessing of the other.

Be a united front and be fair. Your blended family will reap the benefits.

Blessings,
Jimmy Evans

[noelvm]

If you are married to a normal, healthy man, his greatest need in life is honor and esteem.

Men and women are equals—the Bible says we should serve one another— but one way a wife can serve her husband is by living out Ephesians 5:22. It says "Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord."

Honor and respect are like oxygen to a man. He gravitates toward it. He is invigorated by it.


Submitting to your husband means honoring him. Honor and respect are like oxygen to a man. He gravitates toward it. He is invigorated by it.

Likewise, he'll move away from a place where he doesn’t receive honor. Too many of the failing marriages I’ve seen have been rooted in a wife’s inability to honor her husband. That’s not the only reason marriages fail, of course, but it’s a common thread.

Honor is the key to a man’s heart. By requiring wives to serve their husbands, God is giving them the keys to their husband’s hearts.

One important way to honor your husband is by focusing on his strengths and not his faults.

I’ve heard it said before that the devil is the "accuser of the brethren." There are five ways Satan accuses us. He is always accusing me to God, God to me, me to myself, me to you, and you to me.

Why? Because he hates relationships, and he wants to destroy those five important human relationships.

Any relationship you have with anyone will find itself under accusation from the devil for the purpose of dividing that relationship. This is especially the case with marriage.

To be happily married, both the husband and the wife have to learn to take their thoughts captive because the devil is always accusing you to each other.

Psalm 149:6-7 is an interesting scripture. It says "May the praise of God be in their mouths and a double-edged sword in their hands" to inflict vengeance upon the enemy. Praise is a weapon against the devil.

As Christians, we know the importance of praising God. But do we also realize the power that praise has in our earthly relationships? I defy you to praise your spouse all day long and still have angry or annoyed feelings about him.

Praise is a discipline that reminds us of what is right with each other and why we fell in love with each other.

Praise also leads to a positive outcome. As a husband, if you call your wife "gorgeous" multiple times a day, there will be a payoff. As a wife, if you tell your husband how handsome he is and that you're proud of him, he'll respond to it.

In other words, he may be doing ten things wrong and only two or three things right. But if you focus on the few things he’s doing right, you’ll be surprised at the result.

Submit to your husband "as to the Lord" by showing him honor. Honor him by focusing on what he’s doing right. By doing so, you’ll be meeting his number-one need.

Blessings,
Jimmy Evans

[noelvm]

Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." A woman’s number-one need is for security, and nothing meets that need like a sacrificial husband.

The highest role for a man in his life is to bring his wife to her full potential. The word husband comes from an older word: husbandman.

A good husband knows his wife and can predict what she needs exactly when she needs it.


It’s a farming term. It means "a grower." We are called husbands because we are growing something. God gives our wife to us and asks us to nourish her and cherish her—just like Christ nourishes and cherishes the Church.

To nourish means to feed to maturity. Let’s say you plant a seed. What will it take for that seed to turn into a mature, flourishing plant?

The way men often behave, you would think our tendency might be to look at that seed and say, "Well, grow up. Quit being a seed and just grow up." When it doesn't grow, we get angrier and angrier. We accuse it of being immature. We tell it to go get help.

Obviously we're wrong. Because seeds don’t grow when farmers lecture them. Seeds grow when they are exposed to the right conditions: sunlight, soil, and water. Security is fertile soil and sunlight for a wife. To provide this, as a husband, you need to first communicate to your wife that you will do whatever it takes to help her feel secure.

Secondly, you need to study her and be sensitive to her needs. An observant farmer can tell when a plant needs water, or when the soil needs additional nutrients. That's because he knows his crops.

A good husband knows his wife and can predict what she needs exactly when she needs it.

A third way to care for her is to be a faithful financial provider and money manager. Work hard. Take care of the money. Listen to her concerns.

This doesn't mean you dominate the finances—both of you are partners in this—but you pay attention to her worries when it comes to money. This makes her feel secure.

All marriages would benefit from the husband sitting down and asking his wife, "Do I make you feel secure?" If she says no, then ask "What do I do that makes you feel insecure? Or what do I not do that makes you feel that way?"

She will tell you the truth. If you'll listen to what she says and not be defensive, God will use her to fix you. Women are relationship experts. She knows what is wrong, and the Holy Spirit will partner with her to repair the marriage.
Jimmy Evans
When that occurs, it will mean that God is using you to meet her need for security. She will respond positively, and you’ll both experience the joys of a fruitful, flourishing marriage.

Blessings

[Chris Barnes]

Those last two are very good!!!

Thanks Noel.